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7 Tactics a “Nice” Narcissist Uses When They Can’t Control You

Narcissists are often portrayed as overtly manipulative and domineering, but not all narcissists fit this stereotype. Some are what we might call “nice” narcissists, who use subtler tactics to maintain control over their relationships. When they encounter resistance, these individuals may employ a variety of strategies to regain influence. Understanding these tactics can help you protect yourself from their manipulative behaviors.

1. Playing the Victim

One of the most common tactics used by “nice” narcissists is playing the victim. When they can’t control you, they may try to elicit sympathy by portraying themselves as the wronged party. This can make you feel guilty and more inclined to give in to their demands.

• They might exaggerate or fabricate stories of past hardships.
• They often highlight how others have mistreated them, positioning themselves as misunderstood.
• They may use emotional outbursts to gain sympathy and manipulate your emotions.

2. Love Bombing

Love bombing is a tactic where the narcissist showers you with excessive affection, attention, and gifts to win you over. When they sense they are losing control, they may intensify these behaviors to draw you back into their sphere of influence.

• They might suddenly become overly attentive and caring.
• They could offer lavish gifts or grand gestures of love.
• They often use flattery and praise to make you feel special and indebted to them.

3. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where the narcissist makes you doubt your perceptions and reality. When they can’t control you, they may resort to this method to undermine your confidence and make you question your decisions.

• They might deny things they previously said or did.
• They could twist facts to make you feel confused or forgetful.
• They often insist that your concerns are irrational or unfounded.

4. Triangulation

Triangulation involves bringing a third party into the relationship to create jealousy or competition. A “nice” narcissist might use this tactic to make you feel insecure and more likely to seek their approval.

• They might compare you unfavorably to others.
• They could involve friends or family to validate their perspective.
• They often use social media to showcase their interactions with others.

5. Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive tactic used to punish and control. When a “nice” narcissist can’t get their way, they may withdraw communication to make you feel anxious and desperate for their attention.

• They might ignore your calls or messages.
• They could avoid face-to-face interactions.
• They often act as if you don’t exist until you apologize or comply.

6. Guilt-Tripping

Guilt-tripping is a tactic where the narcissist makes you feel responsible for their unhappiness. By doing so, they hope to manipulate you into doing what they want.

• They might remind you of past favors or sacrifices they’ve made.
• They could express disappointment in your actions or decisions.
• They often use phrases like “After all I’ve done for you…”

7. Feigned Helplessness

Feigned helplessness is when the narcissist pretends to be incapable of handling certain tasks or situations, forcing you to step in and take control. This tactic can make you feel indispensable and more likely to stay in the relationship.

• They might claim they can’t manage without your help.
• They could exaggerate their lack of skills or knowledge.
• They often rely on your sense of duty or compassion.

Conclusion

Recognizing these tactics is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries and protecting yourself from manipulation. While “nice” narcissists may not appear as overtly controlling as their more aggressive counterparts, their subtle strategies can be just as damaging. By understanding their behaviors, you can better navigate your interactions and maintain your autonomy.

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